smother the fire [JAYWING]

[PINK ROSE !]

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[atrb=background,http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b180/BlackeCat/bird2.png] The shape of a cat pressed against the frosty grass was barely visible. Her flanks heaved up and down with effort as she struggled to regain her breath. How long had she run? How long had it been since she had been out? The she-cat had spent the last two moons mourning and using every excuse she could to stay in the camp. The medicine cat had to refuse her poppy seeds, since she had come in every so often saying she was in pain, when in reality she just wanted to sleep. She couldn't sleep. Nightmares raged her mind like a wild fire, leaving her feeling barren and decimated. So many worries had suddenly come up in the she-cat's normally care free mind that it took most of her self control not to just scream at Starclan. 'Why me?' The squirrel she had been chasing was long gone, scolding her from up above. "Yeah, yeah. Fat prick. Go bother someone else." Birdtail snarled, pacing along the tree in frustration. Yes why did Starclan choose to ruin her life? She had just met her father, found out that her father was the Clan leader. She found out that he was the exact tom she had always wanted as a father figure. Then... then he was just gone. Like someone had taken a flame and just stamped it out before it's time. "It wasn't his time." She muttered angrily. Even as she had meowed that by herself, she knew her mother's response. "Not even Starclan truly knows when a cat's time to go is." Birdtail could feel her hackles raising, her jaws gnashing together. She just wanted a father. Why couldn't she have a father? That feeling had been creeping up on her for the past few months. Shadowing her, stalking her, running her down and exhausting her. It wasn't long before Birdtail pitched a fit like a kit. She had sprinted straight out of camp and now look at her, taking her anger out on prey that she did not even intend on catching. Pity. Eventually she would have to bring something back to camp, whether it be prey or some kind of news. She was hoping for either, since she hadn't been useful for some time. Birdtail had even lost the ability to communicate with others it seemed. Even though most cats would be hesitant about finding out their father had been around the whole time, Birdtail was just ecstatic that he was alive and willing to be a part of their lives again. Funny how death could be so cruel, so heart wrenching. Now there was just Pinestar. Pinestar who could barely speak for himself at times. "Bramblestar! The foxheart!" The Thunderclan she-cat growled to herself, forcing her way through the brush and out on to open terrain. There it was. The river. The sunningrocks. The forbidden place that she had wanted to step onto since she was a little apprentice. Why did the stupid fish cats get it anyway? They didn't deserve it. They smelled, worst of all! She had to wash herself every time she came within a few feet of one. Birdtail was obviously in a bitter mood, considering normally she had nothing against other Clans. She hadn't been herself since she felt like she had been cheated by death. Even as she stepped confidently onto the rocks and glared toward Riverclan's camp, she felt like a small kit. She desperately wanted to sprint back to her brother and her mother and curl about against them like when she was a kit. talking color here.

[Shells]

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[atrb=background,http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/6642/midbgj.png] It was early morning and the freshkill pile was running low. Cats bustled all around, working desperately to get the camp back to normal. It had been this way since the great battle between the four Clans. Their camp had been destroyed along with half of their Clan. The reparations had lasted weeks, and many of the cats in ThunderClan had all but given up hope. Not only had they lost their camp and many of their Clanmates—they had lost their leader. A large gray shape stalked across the clearing, watching through strong golden eyes as the ThunderClan cats worked together to rebuild the camp. They had come far since the battle, but nothing could mend the broken hearts. Pinestar was a great successor and would no doubt turn out to be a great leader, but Stonestar had died so suddenly; no one had expected it. He had been so young, and as far as anyone knew, he had still had a few lives left. How had so many of his lives been taken just like that? Nothing made sense anymore. None of the cats knew exactly how or why Stonestar had been killed. They had been lucky that the battle had finally come to an end because ThunderClan probably would have been defeated without their leader. Stalking toward the forest, the dark gray warrior ducked through the gorse tunnel and headed out into the bare forest. Ice glittered in the tree branches and snow crunched under his paws as he walked. Prey would be scarce, and the tom wasn’t the best hunter. Turning longingly back toward the gorse tunnel, Jaywing wished that Silentsong was by his side, but he had been distant with her ever since the battle. She was his best friend, and one of the best hunters in the Clan, yet he had remained stone cold toward her the past few weeks. Why was it that he was more affected than most of his Clanmates? Surely, he felt the duty of any loyal ThunderClanner to mourn the loss of his leader; he was just as sad as the others at losing a great leader. But why did he seem more affected than many of the others? Jaywing had hardly known Stonestar as a father before he was lost. He felt nothing for him. He had never been there for him when he was a kit, and he had stood by and watched as his sister had been taken by foxes. For so long he had blamed himself for not stopping the foxes, but he now knew that it was no one but Stonestar’s fault. Why hadn’t he done something like a real father would? But he knew the answer. Stonestar was not a father. He may have helped Blossomface have her three kits, but he had done nothing more than that. Jaywing could name at least three warriors off the top of his head that were more of a father figure than Stonestar ever was to him. Any pride that he had felt when he first discovered that Stonestar was his father was lost as Jaywing realized what it truly meant. Why hadn’t Stonestar stayed by Blossomface? Why didn’t he love her? It was cruel to get her pregnant and then just abandon her and her kits. The dark gray warrior could not understand. Shaking the snow off his pelt, Jaywing began sprinting. He knew that the commotion would probably scare off any prey for a while, but he didn’t care. Something told him that he wasn’t where he was supposed to be. As he neared the edge of the forest, Jaywing skidded to a halt, breathing heavily in the streaming rays of sunlight. Taking a pawstep out into the sun, Jaywing realized how cold he had been and felt his muscles relax. As he pushed forward, a flash of red caught his eye and he glanced toward Sunningrocks to find his sister climbing them like a confused kit. Stumbling forward angrily, Jaywing stopped at the RiverClan border and hissed toward his sister, “Birdtail! What do you think you are doing?! In case you’ve forgotten, Sunningrocks belongs to RiverClan! Do you want to be the cause of another battle that claims the lives of even more of our Clanmates?!

[/b] Why was his sister always getting into some sort of trouble, whether it be with brainless toms or by herself? Ever since he had lost Heatherkit, Jaywing had grown even more protective of Birdtail; he did not know what he would do if he lost his other sister. Yet, she seemed to always be getting herself into predicaments such as these. “Birdtail, you get over here this instant! Quick, before someone sees you!”[/b]
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[PINK ROSE !]

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[atrb=background,http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b180/BlackeCat/bird2.png] It was moments like these that Birdtail questioned her sanity. She was itching to rip some cat's fur off. In battle Birdtail had never lasted long due to her intense fear of death. Generally a soft-hearted sweetheart, it was unusual for her to be feeling so frustrated with the world. How often had she seen other, burlier cats flaying each other apart while she hid beneath the protective leaves of ferns or shrubbery. Each time she was reduced to a wide-eyed kit. No wonder she hadn't been chosen for an apprentice since she had become a warrior. Not until now. The reality that she had been given an apprentice hit her almost exactly like when that Shadowclan tom bowled her over and sent her flying across the dirt during the last battle. She had an apprentice. "What am I doing?" Birdtail meowed to herself, her long tail sweeping the ground below her in exasperation. What a mousebrain she was to think that she could just run around and pout like she used to. Wasn't that the whole reason she had tried to get up this morning? To train her apprentice? She could hear heavy paw steps padding behind her and immediately she whipped around to face the oncoming feline. The outline of a stone colored tom made the she cat narrow her eyes, trying to make him out. She knew him. Birdtail knew her brother when she saw him, but for some reason he looked different. More like a tom, less like a kit. When had this transformation occured to her? How did she not notice that her dear older brother had turned into a serious tom, leaving her in the dust. Birdtail blinked at him, not registering the fact that he was yelling at her from across the border. Even though she couldn't make out the words due to her mind wandering, she knew what he meant. 'Now you have to move your paws, Birdtail.' The she-cat flicked her tongue out at him, a quick disrespectful gesture that she had practiced since kit-hood. Even now she couldn't possibly act mature around her brother, not when they had gone through so much. Since he had detached himself from her life and all of a sudden decided to return again in his warrior years. “Birdtail, you get over here this instant! Quick, before someone sees you!” She shuffled her paws forward before breaking into a graceful lope and leaping across the scent marked border. "Happy?" Birdtail snorted, facing him on with a defiant expression. "Technically, it's their's. However the fish-faced, smelly cats don't deserve it anyway." She growled, waving her tail through the air in frustration. "I'd seriously like to lay on those rocks for once. They hardly use it anyway. It was Thunderclan's for... forever." The mottled she-cat chirped on, ranting. She had no time for her brother anyway. WHat was she doing, wasting her time with him? She had to hunt! Birdtail opened and closed her jaws, sharply inhaling in an attempt to try and locate any prey that she could bring back. Starclan forbid she would walk into that camp without prey to show off to Darkpaw. "Where's your she-cat friends? Shouldn't you be with them? Or training Lynxpaw?" Birdtail smirked at him. Teasing him was probably the only fun thing about being with him, since he took after Stonestar so much. talking color here.

[Shells]

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[atrb=background,http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/6642/midbgj.png] Why was he always the one who had to be the mature one? Ever since he was a kit, he had been forced to take care of his sisters—or sister—because of their lack of a father. Without a father, he had been forced to grow up quicker than many of the other kits. Even though many of the other fathers were not the ideal father figure for their kits, he was at least around if they ever needed anything. All of the other kits at least knew who their fathers were and could go to them if they really need them. Jaywing had never had that opportunity, and neither had his sister. Even now, he was forced to order his sister around because she had not received proper parenting and she grown up as crazy as some of the other she-cats in the Clan. Who did he think he was, coming into their lives only to leave them, yet again? Who did he think he was, giving them a small bit of hope, only to yank the ground from beneath their paws and leave them as unsure of their place as they were before? Stonestar was a great leader, but he was, and remained to this day, a terrible father. Lashing his tail in impatience, Jaywing hissed at his sister’s disregard for the rules. It was one thing to be brainless within your own Clan, where others could pick up your slack and bat you on the head for misbehaving; it was another to act stupid on another Clan’s territory and endanger the whole Clan. Yellow eyes watched in annoyance as Birdtail stuck her tongue at him in open mockery and then leapt lightly from the rock onto the ground next to him. “Happy?” The mottled she-cat asked him in a way that he could tell she couldn’t care less what his answer was. He clenched his jaw in frustration as he listened to his sister rant about Sunningrocks truly belonging to ThunderClan. Although he agreed that ThunderClan deserved the territory a great deal more than RiverClan and he hoped to one day fight to gain the Sunningrocks back, his respect for StarClan and the warrior code trumped any of those feelings. Before Jaywing could speak, Birdtail was pestering him with questions like she usually did. “Where's your she-cat friends? Shouldn't you be with them? Or training Lynxpaw?”

[/i] His eyes narrowed in seriousness as he opened his mouth to speak, ignoring his sister’s pointless queries about she-cats, still furious about the lack of respect that she showed him. Besides, there was only one she-cat for him, and he had blown it with her.

“Listen, Bird-brain,” he began, using an insult that he reserved just for his sister since it fit so perfectly, “I get that you’re upset about Stonestar’s death, but that doesn’t give you the right to disregard the warrior code. Every other cat in the Clan lost a leader, just like you, and just like me. He wasn’t our father because a real father looks after his kids and smiles up at them proudly as they’re named apprentices and then warriors. He was never there for us, and he still isn’t here for us now. Any other tom in this Clan could tell us that he was our father, and it would probably be more meaningful than finding out that he was our dad.”

His ears pressed against his head at the idea of Stonestar as their father, Jaywing continued, “Now, you can continue acting like a kit, or you can act like the mature warrior that you are and return to camp with some prey for the freshkill pile.”[/color] He was being harsh, but after all, it was in his blood, right? Stonestar was his father; was he destined to turn out to be just like him—cold, calculating, and a terrible father? Was he destined to finally have kits, only to abandon them like his father had done to him? He shook his head in anger. No. He would never allow that to happen. There was no way that he was going to have kits with a she-cat that he didn’t even love, only to abandon his family for the pursuit of power. He had always dreamed of becoming leader one day, but now all of those dreamed seemed empty and shallow.
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[PINK ROSE !]

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[atrb=background,http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b180/BlackeCat/bird2.png] Birdtail knew what was coming before it happened. As soon as she inhaled and exhaled and regained her composure, her brother jumped on the opportunity to scold her. The tom was like an elder trapped inside a young cat's body, and had been like that since the death of their sister. Birdtail had gotten over it fairly quick, despite the sadness pricking at her heart every once in awhile. She had lived longer without her sister compared to living with her, and so she had become used to such things. Jaywing, on the other paw, seemed to carry the burden of her death on his shoulders even now as he acted just like a father figure. He had taken up this role even as kits, even before the death of Heatherkit. Was it painfully obvious that she wasn't listening to him, even now? It seemed that Birdtail was the only one who could see the pain in his eyes, in the way that he talked, the way that he carried himself. “Now, you can continue acting like a kit, or you can act like the mature warrior that you are and return to camp with some prey for the freshkill pile.” The mottled cat slowly blinked at him, scanning his eyes for anything more than that look he always seemed to give her. Bitterness. Disappointment. Frustration. Displeasure. What could she do to make him actually pleased to be around her? Starclan only knew what that would take, in her opinion. "Oh Jaywing." The meow was not teasing, not amused, if anything there was a hint of sadness laced around her words. "You act just like him..." They were almost the same sizes, the same eyes, everything. And then there was Birdtail, the wild child, the disappointment even to her mother it seemed. Of course she had no cares in the world, not many at least. The had been spoiled since a kit by her mother, her brother, and any tom she could bat her eyes at and brush past when she had the time. "You look like him, too. You sound like him. If I weren't your sister I might say you were him." What was that look on her face? That feeling that was bubbling up inside her? Sadness? Regret? Why couldn't things be different? "Is that why I was so attached to him so quick? Was it that he was like you? Or was I simply that desperate for a father, even if he had merely watched us grow up instead of actually being there beside us?" Birdtail smirked ruefully, flexing her claws into the frosty ground. She knew she was only growing the fire. Jaywing would be upset by what she said, more than likely. Might as well brace herself for the explosion that would go off as soon as Jaywing had fully comprehended what she was saying. Maybe he would prove her wrong. Maybe he wouldn't be disappointed by her words, but he hadn't exactly been the easiest to be around before. "I think he was proud of us... when he gave us our Warrior names. Maybe he sat in his den and thought the whole night before, trying to give us the perfect names." talking color here.

[Shells]

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[atrb=background,http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/6642/midbgj.png] As soon as the words had come out of his mouth, Jaywing felt a pang of guilt for being so harsh on his sister. He had always been tough on her—mostly because he wanted to make sure that nothing ever happened to her—but something in his heart told him that he was being harsher than normal. The large, gray warrior shook his head to clear away any stray thoughts he had on the matter. What reason would he have for being any tougher on her than usual? And why should he feel bad for acting the same way he always did toward Birdtail? Stonestar’s image flashed in his mind, but he quickly pushed it away, not believing that any of this had anything to do with him. Jaywing felt sadness that ThunderClan had lost a great leader, but he didn’t feel anything else. The cold and distant leader was nothing more to him than he was to the rest of the Clan. Turning a piercing gaze on his sister, Jaywing watched as she moved closer to him, sadness clouding her eyes. “Oh Jaywing. You act just like him... You look like him, too. You sound like him. If I weren't your sister I might say you were him.”

[/i] Her voice was low and sad; he had to prick his ears forward to hear what she had said. At first, he had no idea what she was talking about. Who did he look just like? What did that have to do with what they were talking about? Then he understood. She was talking about Stonestar. Sure, he was large and muscular with dark gray fur and large, golden orbs, but so what? They had always looked similar even before Stonestar had dropped the news on them, but no one had ever noticed. If they looked that much alike, then why had none of his Clanmates ever put the pieces together? Why had no one told him that he looked like the son of the leader of ThunderClan?

Shaking his head to dismiss everything his sister was saying as false, Jaywing turned the idea over in his head. Birtail had always looked the most like their mother, and Jaywing had looked nothing like her for the most part. The fact that Stonestar had been the only other pure gray tom in ThunderClan made it even more frustrating that another cat hadn’t pointed it out to him. As a young kit or apprentice, any cat in the Clan would have been able to see similarities between themselves and their leader—especially the ones that grew up without a father. It would have been nothing more than a silly dream to Jaywing as a young and naïve apprentice. The only thing that could have made it real would have been if an older warrior in the Clan had told him what he wanted to hear—that Stonestar looked just like him and could possibly be his father. A new sense of anger burned inside of Jaywing. Why had no one cared about him? Why did it take this long for someone to tell him and Birdtail who their father was? It wasn’t fair.

As he continued pondering the subject, Heatherkit popped into his mind like she always did. What would she look like now if she were still alive? Would she look more like their mother or like Stonestar? Jaywing still had trouble identifying Stonestar as their father. He was more like a mentor than anything else. No—he was less than even that—Jaywing had a closer relationship with his mentor than he ever had with Stonestar. His large gray paws kneaded the earth angrily, and it took him a moment to realize that Birdtail was still talking. She was saying something about being attached to Stonestar. Jaywing snorted. What did she mean? Had she felt some sort of attachment to Stonestar? Something greater than the other warriors and apprentices in ThunderClan felt? He doubted that.

“I think he was proud of us... when he gave us our warrior names. Maybe he sat in his den and thought the whole night before, trying to give us the perfect names.” Jaywing’s head rose to look his sister in the eyes as she spoke of Stonestar being proud of them. That was laughable. If he had been proud of them—even the tiniest bit—he would have told them he was their father. No one could watch their kits grow to be warriors and not say something—anything—to them. Fury blazed in his golden eyes at his sister’s words, but he tried to remain calm as he spoke to her, as her words were spoken kindly. “How could he have been proud of us and yet still not said anything? Why did he wait so long to tell us? Right before he died? Was it some kind of cruel joke? It’s almost as if it worked out perfectly for everyone except us. Stonestar gets to relieve himself of all his burden and travel to StarClan in peace. Meanwhile, we’re more confused and alone than ever!”[/color]


occ// sorry for taking so long, pinky. but here it is <3
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[PINK ROSE !]

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[atrb=background,http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b180/BlackeCat/bird2.png] The slight shake of his head, the piercing gaze... it was the dismissal that brought frustration to the eyes of the she-cat. Why couldn't he just listen for once? What was so hard about hearing her out for a bit, listening to her side of the story? 'Starclan, he's such a grudge holder.' Birdtail waved her tail from side to side in vexation, her eyes staring at the ground in a clouded mess. She knew he thought she was crazy. She knew that he thought that she was silly or pathetic or delusional. But for some reason... she couldn't shake the feeling that Stonestar had loved them dearly. Who couldn't love their own kits? Sure he may not have made the right decision, but she still couldn't help but pity him in a way. She couldn't hold her grudge. She was too... sweet. She had done enough blaming, enough stabbing at other cats. She listened to her brother enough to know that it did a number on a being's conscious. “How could he have been proud of us and yet still not said anything? Why did he wait so long to tell us? Right before he died? Was it some kind of cruel joke? It’s almost as if it worked out perfectly for everyone except us. Stonestar gets to relieve himself of all his burden and travel to StarClan in peace. Meanwhile, we’re more confused and alone than ever!” Birdtail shuddered away from him, his harsh words sinking in. She looked up slowly, solemnly at him. She felt helpless, useless. She was childish, she was pathetic. Wasn't that what he was implying? She was delusional. Why was it so wrong that she had sought out so desperately for a father? Why was it so wrong that she had latched onto what she could get? The sorrow and the desperation and the frustration swept over her, the hopelessness sinking in. She missed her relationship with her brother... before the death of their sister. "WE'RE NOT ALONE!" Birdtail exploded suddenly, her shriek was surprisingly loud and she instantly felt bashful, the pain resonating within her. She didn't mean to yell so loud, but it felt good so she continued. Why did she have to sit there and take his ranting when she had enough on her plate as it was? She didn't want to lose him, but she didn't want to lose herself either. "You-you're such a mousebrain, Jaywing." Birdtail stammered, uncertainty lacing her words. "You have me... and we have Pinestar. And you don't know what Stonestar thought, you know?" She breathed out, begging him to understand. "Stonestar may have been ashamed of himself for abandoning us in the beginning. I would have been too. Who says he wanted to die like that? What cat wants to die? Do you want to hate him? Why do you blame him for e-" Birdtail stopped short. Her ears flattened to her cranium and she turned away. She knew it was a deep rooted problem, but she didn't want to think about it. She let out a heavy sigh and flexed her claws, attempting to find the words that would adequately convince him that it was no cat's fault what happened to their sister, or what happened to them. Stonestar could not have predicted their life and his own death. The dappled she-cat couldn't mask her pain, her frustration, but she attempted to offer some kind of condolences. "Jaywing. It's no cat's fault what happened to us... what happened to Heatherkit. What happened to you, to us? Why are you doing this to yourself?"